We all love urban fantasy but we have to contend with the fact that if monsters were real, some of them would be normies. Your werewolf boyfriend posts on LinkedIn. The tentacled horror you’ve been thirsting after is a Disney adult.
You did it, you made unimaginable horror within man-made comprehension.
the gimmick blogs are like tumblr’s rogue gallery. yes we’ve got some heroes, yes we’ve got some villains, but more importantly if you look over here you will see some freak who devotes all their time to counting the number of “t’s” in a post
T Count: 15
Letter Count: 198
Your T Percentage: 7.58%
Average T Percentage: 6.95%
You used the letter T 1.09 times as much as average!
Over the course of the game, roll a d20 every so often.
This measures the progress of a different, unmentioned party of adventurers who are on their own quest to stop an unrelated threat to the entire mortal world.
If you get a one they fuck up and die so the world abruptly ends with no warning.
Over the course of
the game, roll a d20
every so often.
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
I started thinking about that one post about how from dogs POV humans are beings that live like 500+ years (because I was petting my dog and I was looking at her like “thirty thousand years of cooperation have led to this. our species have spent 30k years building up to the point where you, child of wolf, descendant of noble hunters and wild things, would come all the way out of the office and come sit with me in the hopes of letting a souped up monkey rub its paws on you”)
and then I thought about what it must have been like for the first humans to let a fucking wolf, maybe only a few generations from the wild, behold their infant child. Like man can u believe that? Maybe this alliance is only a few years old and sure you’ve seen the wolf’s kids but now you’ve got one of your own. And even though you’ve seen this wolf tear out the throats of creatures that could kill you, this wolf is your family. This wolf is your friend, you love them and they love you and you gotta show ‘em the new kid, look, friend, I had a child. I know you are wild and dangerous, but look at this, my most precious thing, sniff him, give him a lil lick, his children and your children will be bound together for thirty thousand fucking years because I love you
There’s a set of preserved footprints from 30k years ago that is a young child and a wolf standing side by side
can you fucking imagine? Maybe the kid’s mom was like “hey go get some water from the stream, but take the wolf with you. I trust him, he will protect you.”
Roomba kept crying because she couldn’t find her spring toy and uh. Well, she had a good reason for it.
spring
She’s blind, she makes a lot of different sounds, and her poor social skills mean she tries to groom any other cat she bumps into. She doesn’t bump into furniture or walls anymore but she used to. Whenever she bumped into something, she’d just turn around and keep going.
my brother started calling our cat “doobie brother” which he then lengthened to “dubious brother” and has since morphed into “brother dubious” like he’s some sort of fucked up little monk
Some of you might remember a couple of years ago when Scarlett Johansson sued Disney because she was making significantly less money for Black Widow than was guaranteed in her contract because so many more people watched it on streaming than in theaters, how there was a massive misinformation campaign from Disney that a ton of people on this website (and Twitter and other social media) bought into: that she was a greedy bitch who didn’t respect people who needed to stay at home during the pandemic (I believe the word “ableist” was thrown around with aplomb) as opposed to someone who just wanted to be paid what she was owed, what Disney had initially guaranteed her when they signed the contract, and whose issue obviously wasn’t with streaming itself but with how little streaming was allowed to get away with paying her and other actors.
Anyway we’re going to see a lot of that from studios now, especially now that actors have joined the strike and it’s easier to sell them as rich and greedy than writers, because of this cultural stereotype we have of all Hollywood actors as celebrities. Don’t fall for it. SAG-AFTRA represents people like Tom Cruise and ScarJo but it also represents the kind of people who played a Borg in two episodes of Star Trek: Voyager in 1997 or who had one line in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel as an enthusiastic audience member. Most actors are not crazy wealthy, and in fact, if you’re a big TV fan (especially older TV and genre TV) that likely includes some actor names that you know, who played supporting roles in your fav shows, or who were even a star in something decades ago but haven’t done anything major since. The AFTRA side also represents people like radio broadcasters. But even beside that, all workers deserve to be fairly compensated for the work they do, and the threat of replacing them with AI, or real actors being required to sign contracts to allow their likenesses to be used by AI forever without paying them, is an existential threat to acting as a profession in general. The actors are in the right. The writers are in the right. The studios are in the wrong. The studios have exploited new technology to get away with horrifying labor practices for years and their feet need to be put to the fire. Circulate the articles about how poorly the Orange is the New Black cast was compensated for making one of the defining shows of the early streaming boom, and of the studios saying they want to force writers to starve and lose their homes. Don’t get distracted by propaganda aping progressive-sounding language about wealthy celebrities. Focus on the real enemy, the real greedy, rich assholes who care more about money than people and art: the studios.
